US Cult of Consumption and Greed, Join Now!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Ever thought about joining a cult, but didn't want to give-up all your worldly possessions? Well, now you can! Les James here for the US Cult of Consumption and Greed.

My Search

For years I looked for a place that I could call home, a place with people just like me. You know, fat, decadent, over-consumers of the world's limited resources. Folks who work hard, and purchase goods and services they want, even if they don't really need them. Men and women who share my passion for never being employed at a "green job". People who know that all this environmental hysteria is just a pile of horse crap. Strike that, horse crap can be used as fertilizer and burned to create electricity. But you get the idea.

Then I discovered the US Cult of Consumption and Greed. It was the answer to my prayers, and it can be yours  too. But don't just take my word that this cult is everything you've always dreamed about. Read what the UK Guardian has to say:

US cult of greed is now a global environmental threat

The average American consumes more than his or her weight in products each day, fuelling a global culture of excess that is emerging as the biggest threat to the planet, according to a report published today. In its annual report, Worldwatch Institute says the cult of consumption and greed could wipe out any gains from government action on climate change or a shift to a clean energy economy.

How Can I Join?

The fact that you're sitting on your plump rump in front of a computer screen means you already have! Congratulations.

How Can I Participate?

Turn on all the lights in your house like Al Gore. Crank up the heater and AC at the same time. Then open all the doors and windows in your home. Order useless crap off the Internet. Throw away food you just don't feel like eating it. Leave the 60 inch plasma TV on all night. It's easy to be a member in good standing.

 See, you don't even have put on pants and leave the house to be a proud participant.

But if you must leave, warm-up the SUV for way too long. Go out of your way to get to where ever you are going, or just drive to watch the gas gauge fall. Cut down a tree and burn it for no good reason. Releasing all that harmful carbon dioxide. The possibilities are endless.  

But Wait, There's More! 

As a member of the Cult you can also be a dissident in the comfort of your very home home or 3/4 ton pick-up. The US government's official policy is that Global Warming and Climate Change is not a lie, hoax or fraud. It's the Gospel According to Barack truth. Show you contempt by consuming twice, or even three times, your body weight each day. Get really fat and increase your Carbon Footprint.

Let's all flip the bird to these Climate Change Nazis and Global Warming Fascist. Show them, we're proud members of the US Cult of Consumption and Greed.

LED Traffic Lights Kill People and Polar Bears

Friday, January 8, 2010

Once again, it's the government to the rescue. This time it's mostly state and local, but still the government. A lot of places are now using LED lights in their traffic signals. This saves a significant amount of cash. That sounds good. They use a lot less electricity, so less energy has to be produced, which in turn means less pollution. I'm not against that.

Everything's peachy, right? Wrong.

These lights have a minor problem. In snowy regions, the lights don't produce enough heat to melt the snow and ice. The lights become muted, or white-out altogether. Numerous accidents have occurred and at least one death. Well, that's acceptable. After all, we're saving the planet.

Most people see a white traffic light as a stop sign, and they all take turns at these intersections. So why do we need lights in the first place? Think of the savings. Maybe not.

If cars have to stop and go, that causes more pollution. Local governments have to send out  trucks, with government  workers, to wipe off the lights. More driving equals more pollution, and the extra gas and maintenance cost for these vehicles significantly reduce the savings of these LED traffic lights. Plus all those old, ineffective lights had to be replaced. What did that cost? What was the carbon footprint of this entire venture from conception, through manufacture, to shipping, and on to the installation? Where did all those old lights go? Answer: A lot, huge, and in the landfill. Very environmentally conscience.

So where do the polar bears come in?  

The bottom line is, LED traffic lights have had a negative impact on the environment. This means we will have more hurricanes, ground water will be more undrinkable, rising oceans will become less habitable, We'll have droughts, global warming, famine, pestilence, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together...

And polar bears starving to death.

Like I said at the beginning, government to the rescue.

CO2 Dress Update: Diffus Uncovered

Monday, December 28, 2009

Being an Unashamed, Unabashed American, I've decided to use the All-American game of Baseball, as a sarcastic analogy to bring you the latest in a very humorous exchange.

It's the Wind-up...

A few days ago I poked fun at a CO2 pollution dress that warns of the presence of the deadly, toxic substance, carbon dioxide. Within hours of publishing, I received a response from Michel Guglielmi of Diffus. This paranoid, media mongering, self-proclaimed Tree Hugger searched the interwebs for anyone whom might not approve of his latest project. He found one.

Here's where it gets funny. While I'm well enough know -in a niche market- as a writer for the number one ranked conservative political humor site, in the entire world, this little start-up, global warming humor and satire blog is just an unranked nobody. Yet, he chose to attack it. Michel had to search way down the page to find my post. Grow-up. Haven't you ever heard that any press is good press?

The exchange can be found in the comments section of CO2 Dress for Climate Change Success. It's great reading.

And the Pitch

I went to Dufus, as I told Michel I would.

Here's a blurb from his web site:

Michel Guglielmi:

He is an architect working with tangible media, interaction design and architecture. He is teaching at the Danish School of Design in Copenhagen and previously assistant professor in performance and installations in medialogy at Ålborg University, Institute for Media Technology and Engineering. He is co-founder of Diffus.

You'll notice that even though it appears to be in English, there are several issues with the syntax and grammar. Hey Dufus, if you're going to set up a site that has English text, spend a little cash and have it checked out before hitting publish.

Next, the graphics are horrible. I'm not a professional, but I can do better Photoshop work then these designers of "tangible media". Personally, I've always been a fan of intangible media.

Broken links, sloppy layouts, incoherent hippie-babble, and no visible means of support, plague this site. Where's the money coming from? I suspect Taxpayers. Yep, I got a feeling that without the Denmark Nanny State lining their pockets with Socialist Tax Euros, these guys would be selling hand made, hemp man purses on street corners to drugged-out tourist.

Worse yet, where do the materials they use come from? No mention of Fair Trade, eco-friendly, environmentally conscience, re-cycled sourcing. By Michel's own admission, they are enviro-mentals after all.

Once again, WTF Dufus? Did you get the LEDs for your stupid dress from a Chinese sweatshop, where young children are forced to work for next to nothing, just so some degenerate Western Business Executive could create an ugly garment?

Strike Three, Your Out

A few more questions for you Dufus:

What is the Carbon Footprint of your web site? Where did the materials come from for the dress and other of your silly projects, and how did they get into your hands? What was the impact on the earth you love so much, in mining, fuel, agriculture, production and transportation for your unnecessary work? Do any of you own dogs? How much CO2 do each of your team members breath out each and every day? How can you live with yourselves? Huh, Dufus? Your lifestyles and very existence are an affront to nature.

Hypocrites like you make me laugh. Remember, I don't claim to be a Green Wack Job, or a professional, or an artist, or a designer, or worried about man's impact on the world, or even being very good at editing my own posts.

Please Michel, continue to keep this alive. You're helping this site's rankings in the humor blogging world.