US Cult of Consumption and Greed, Join Now!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Ever thought about joining a cult, but didn't want to give-up all your worldly possessions? Well, now you can! Les James here for the US Cult of Consumption and Greed.

My Search

For years I looked for a place that I could call home, a place with people just like me. You know, fat, decadent, over-consumers of the world's limited resources. Folks who work hard, and purchase goods and services they want, even if they don't really need them. Men and women who share my passion for never being employed at a "green job". People who know that all this environmental hysteria is just a pile of horse crap. Strike that, horse crap can be used as fertilizer and burned to create electricity. But you get the idea.

Then I discovered the US Cult of Consumption and Greed. It was the answer to my prayers, and it can be yours  too. But don't just take my word that this cult is everything you've always dreamed about. Read what the UK Guardian has to say:

US cult of greed is now a global environmental threat

The average American consumes more than his or her weight in products each day, fuelling a global culture of excess that is emerging as the biggest threat to the planet, according to a report published today. In its annual report, Worldwatch Institute says the cult of consumption and greed could wipe out any gains from government action on climate change or a shift to a clean energy economy.

How Can I Join?

The fact that you're sitting on your plump rump in front of a computer screen means you already have! Congratulations.

How Can I Participate?

Turn on all the lights in your house like Al Gore. Crank up the heater and AC at the same time. Then open all the doors and windows in your home. Order useless crap off the Internet. Throw away food you just don't feel like eating it. Leave the 60 inch plasma TV on all night. It's easy to be a member in good standing.

 See, you don't even have put on pants and leave the house to be a proud participant.

But if you must leave, warm-up the SUV for way too long. Go out of your way to get to where ever you are going, or just drive to watch the gas gauge fall. Cut down a tree and burn it for no good reason. Releasing all that harmful carbon dioxide. The possibilities are endless.  

But Wait, There's More! 

As a member of the Cult you can also be a dissident in the comfort of your very home home or 3/4 ton pick-up. The US government's official policy is that Global Warming and Climate Change is not a lie, hoax or fraud. It's the Gospel According to Barack truth. Show you contempt by consuming twice, or even three times, your body weight each day. Get really fat and increase your Carbon Footprint.

Let's all flip the bird to these Climate Change Nazis and Global Warming Fascist. Show them, we're proud members of the US Cult of Consumption and Greed.

North Pole Survives Christmas Warming Threat

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Despite what the idiots at Build-A-Bear said, the North Pole, Santa Clause, penguins and the polar bears still have a nice, cold home today. No need to send the Coast Guard to rescue Elves in lifeboats or Green Peace to thwart their efforts.

In the wake of calls for boycotts, the company took down the animated videos from their website, telling little kids the entire northern polar icecap might be gone by Christmas. Build-A-Bear had the typical, enviro-mental response:

"Our intention with the polar-bear story was to inspire children, through the voices of our animal characters, to make a difference in their own individual ways," Chief Executive Maxine Clark said. "We did not intend to politicize the topic of global climate change or offend anyone in any way."

Too late, moron. 

P.S. Hey Maxine, penguins live near the south pole.

CO2 Dress For Climate Change Success

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

So a bunch of Euro-Treehuggers (you remember Europe, that's where they cut down most of the trees long ago. No wonder they're so cranky.) designed this eco-dress. It tells when there is CO2 nearby. The more the carbon dioxide, the brighter the LEDs shine. Breath on it, and it lights-up.

No way could you wear this dress in Congress, it would blind everyone there.

Excuse me for not being very fashion conscience, but it looks like they took the drapes down and sewed some LED Christmas Tree lights on it.

Image: Diffus: Alexandra Institute

Microsoft to the Global Warming Rescue

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Those geniuses at Microsoft have done it again. Weren’t these the same guys that brought us Vista? Anyway. Technology Chief Nathan Myhrvold thinks he’s found a cure for Global Warming. And get this; it’ll only cost $250 million. Yes, that’s million with an “m”, not billion with a “b”, or trillion … you get the point. I can find that kind of loose change under my sofa cushions and behind my truck’s seat. He claims it won’t disrupt the carbon-emitting world as we know it. Does that mean it will change it into something we don’t know? I don’t know.

Okay here’s the low-down. Myhrvold proposes we start pumping liquid sulfur dioxide into the stratosphere. It’s going to get shot out of nozzles from hoses we lift 15 miles up into the sky, by helium balloons. Too bad “Balloon Boy’s” parents are going to jail. This gig was right up their alley.

These sulfur clouds are supposed to cut down the sunlight in those pesky critical areas of the world by just enough to slow down or reverse the effects of *global warming. He calls this miracle a “Stratoshield.” Sounds like a new name for a tin foil hat to me.

“Since sulfur occurs naturally in the environment”, he says. “It will not disrupt our climate in a negative fashion, and will lower temperatures as desired in areas that need to be cooled.” Now correct me if I’m wrong, but if you add sulfur dioxide to water vapor (the leading offender in global warming) you get Acid Rain. According to Al Gore and alike, global warming has been steadily increasing since we mandated clean air, in order to stop things like Acid Rain.

Why are we always behind the power curve?

*ed note: didn't he get the memo it's called Climate Change now? 

Save the World, Eat Your Dog

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Put this under, I been telling pan-handlers this for years.

Love your pet, hate the environment. This is the focus of a new book by Robert and Brenda Vale. Titled, Time to Eat the Dog, this scholarly work states that owning a medium sized dog has twice the Carbon footprint of an SUV.

“How is this possible?” you scream. According to the Vale’s, dogs eat an average of 360 pounds of meat each year. It takes two acres of land to generate their dinner. This is two times more than a Hummer.

Humm, shoot the dog, buy an Escalade.

If you cat people think you’re off the hook, thing again. Their dietary habits are the same as driving a VW Golf for a year, but who owns just one cat? OMG! The old lady down the street with all the strays is committing genocide!

John Barrett at the Stockholm Environment Institute in York, Britain, confirmed their facts, and came to this conclusion, "Owning a dog really is quite an extravagance, mainly because of the carbon footprint of meat,"

Looks like the Koreans are ahead of us again. Now, where did I put my copy of 101 ways to Wok Your Dog?

Cuba Pissed-off at Obama Over Copenhagen

Monday, December 21, 2009

Havana- For over an hour today, Cuba’s foreign minister, Bruno Rodriguez lashed out at President Obama's behavior in Copenhagen. "At this summit,” the foreign minister said, “there was only imperial, arrogant Obama, who does not listen, who imposes his positions and even threatens developing countries."

Obama and the U.S. Government have lately been under increasing attacks from the communist island state. Rodriguez called the UN climate conference "a fallacy, a farce", insinuating the use of strong-armed tactics and backroom deals. He called these shenanigans “undemocratic” and “suicidal” as they only urge, but do not mandate major polluters to make deeper CO2 emissions cuts.

"Obama knew he was lying, that he was deceiving public opinion," Rodriguez said. This in response to comments Obama made during a news conference in Copenhagen, when Obama said no agreement had yet been reached but that he was confident one would be before the summit ended.

Rodriguez also stated Cuba and other developing nations are refusing to recognize the agreement because they weren't permitted to participate in its development.