Microsoft to the Global Warming Rescue

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Those geniuses at Microsoft have done it again. Weren’t these the same guys that brought us Vista? Anyway. Technology Chief Nathan Myhrvold thinks he’s found a cure for Global Warming. And get this; it’ll only cost $250 million. Yes, that’s million with an “m”, not billion with a “b”, or trillion … you get the point. I can find that kind of loose change under my sofa cushions and behind my truck’s seat. He claims it won’t disrupt the carbon-emitting world as we know it. Does that mean it will change it into something we don’t know? I don’t know.

Okay here’s the low-down. Myhrvold proposes we start pumping liquid sulfur dioxide into the stratosphere. It’s going to get shot out of nozzles from hoses we lift 15 miles up into the sky, by helium balloons. Too bad “Balloon Boy’s” parents are going to jail. This gig was right up their alley.

These sulfur clouds are supposed to cut down the sunlight in those pesky critical areas of the world by just enough to slow down or reverse the effects of *global warming. He calls this miracle a “Stratoshield.” Sounds like a new name for a tin foil hat to me.

“Since sulfur occurs naturally in the environment”, he says. “It will not disrupt our climate in a negative fashion, and will lower temperatures as desired in areas that need to be cooled.” Now correct me if I’m wrong, but if you add sulfur dioxide to water vapor (the leading offender in global warming) you get Acid Rain. According to Al Gore and alike, global warming has been steadily increasing since we mandated clean air, in order to stop things like Acid Rain.

Why are we always behind the power curve?

*ed note: didn't he get the memo it's called Climate Change now?